Entries for October, 2006
i liked this song without even looking at the lyrics. now that i have, i like it even more.
Try!
by the John Mayer Trio
Takes four days to get to like me
But two to wanna leave
But the part that really gets me
Are all the moments in between
Now I lie to get a little
And laugh at every little thing
She's high on information
But now I'm low on self-esteem
So I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself
Although myself will wonder why
I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself this time
I'm a hundred kinds of crazy
But I only wanna find
One sweet little angel
Who's gonna let me speak my mind
All I ever do these days
Is dumb my process down
She's making her decision
But now I'm losing all my ground
So I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself
Although myself will wonder why
I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself this time
Easy does it now
Just keep your damn mouth shut
She thinks you're hot already
Don't go and press your luck
No news is good news coming
You gotta wait to find
Don't go and blow it
You do EVERY SINGLE TIME
Oh I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself
Although myself will wonder why
I'm gonna try (try)
I'm gonna try (try)
Gonna try to be myself this time
Written by cap at 04:53 PM.
Written by cap at 05:09 PM.
I hate to see you cry
Laying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining
Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good
Written by cap at 11:51 AM.
Written by cap at 11:53 AM.
aiyoh come on lah Human Resource people..work fasterr! efficiency heloo?? what do you all do sitting in your desk all day huhh?? give me a reply already la.......
Written by cap at 12:18 PM.
do you go straight to heaven when you die?
yes! Jesus told the thief on the cross, "Today you will be with me in paradise." may sound like duh but i was never really sure because i thought when you died, you would be in a temporary realm, like the barzakh in Islam. or on a very long journey to the pearly gates like in Dragonball. you would be in nothing, in darkness. no thought, no emotion, no work. hmm..maybe i'm already in barzakh.
i try to let outside influences make decisions for me sometimes, instead of going with mine. i like to think that it may be predestined for you to do something or go some place. so that's why i came to new york. and i was kind of feeling numb at the time of decision making, so yea, why not just get away.
everything is meaningless, a grievous evil under the sun. but the fool folds his hands and ruins himself. better one handful of tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. but everything is meaningless only because you cannot take them to heaven. so i thought, relationships must be really important then, since you're going to see the people again up there, forever. maybe we should stop disliking people in our lives.
it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and to find satisfaction in his toilsome labour under the sun during the few days of life God has given him - for this is his lot. so maybe i'll try to enjoy my meals once in a while. what fun is a guy who doesnt like to eat right? oh yea didn't i tell you? i don't like to eat, something i discovered recently. and so i'm also hoping to get a job very soon. because you can't find satisfaction in your toilsome labour if you're not doing any labour. which could explain why i never really found any real satisfaction doing fun stuff like i used to, like travelling. so, good for you guys who work hard 9 to 5 and stuff! when play time comes, you'll enjoy it a thousand fold!
so i went for my parents' church retreat the first weekend i came to nyc. i think i'm turning into too much of cynic for my own good. it was a good retreat la, but something in me always wants to pull everything down into the "alright level". yea it was "alright" la. i always wonder where my interest and my passion for life and everything went. maybe it's me being here with my parents now. i've gotten too used to being on my own, until i feel abit awkward around them. and i don't like writing stuff here because i'm afraid they ask me about it.
it was a weird situation being at the camp. suddenly, God tossed me into a group of young people within the exact age range of myfers. and yea, i actually didn't choose to be with them, i was literally dragged in. but i went with the flow. so now i'm in regular contact with these people because they got me into their frontlines worship team.
this is just my interpretation of this situation. it's like God saying, "nah you really like myf right, ok la, have a go at this!" r.i.p. steve irwin. sorry, i watched alot of the crocodile hunter at cindy's place. anyway, it's not as good as the few years of my youth. it's not just the myf that i miss. it's the myf of 1999 to 2002 that i miss. but that's not my complaint, it's this: i'm already past that. yea, it's what i used to miss. i'm past that. i can't get it back, so i've come to terms with that.
on the other hand though, God could be saying, "Hey, hang in there la k, the years of studying will come and go. meanwhile, just do what you can." how can i compare a youth group with one another right? they're different and have strengths in so many different ways. this bunch i'm in now are crazy. i mean literally. i'm not sure in a good way or bad.. hahaha! it's actually just two of them la, who have hairdos from the '70s. and they're filipino. them being around is just ....teRrible laR....aiYoR...
Luke 23:43
Eccle 4:5, 5:18
Written by cap at 12:28 PM.
