Entries for July, 2005
have i had a little too much of ipoh?
when i was in the states, i was so desperate to get back. i kept in touch with the ongoings in church thru some friends, so i'd know what i missed while i went on with my routined life half way cross the world. and every time i do this, the words of Jesus always comes back to me, 'the person who puts his hand to the cangkul and looks back isn't fit for the service of God'. but i couldn't help it, i needed to go home.
now that i'm back, i feel like everything is just the way i left it. well, in a way i guess, despite having a whole lot of different ppl in youth, physical structure changes in church like the gdn terrace and around in ipoh e.g. giant, lost world, medan gopeng, etc. i even faced some of the same inner struggles in me, but with some new perspective since coming back from over there. if i did not leave for the US in the first place, i would be doing exactly the same thing. i wouldn't have grown, i wouldn't have matured. or would i? it sounds like a lose-lose situation.
since i've been back, i was even at the brink of losing interest in playing drums for worship. but thanks to qivin, i realized something. before this, i know that in worship, it's not the musicians' capabilities that brings the overflowing of the HolySpirit. it is the heart of worship, no mattter how many musical instruments u involve or if it's just acapella. so with this thought, i was missing out on something. i wasn't giving God my best, because i thought wat i could do was secondary. but i realized that i must still offer my best sacrifice for Jesus, i cannot just sit back and settle for the simplest beats if i could do more.
Please make me sick of ipoh, so that i can willingly go back to studying when the time comes.
It was good that I came back this year. after this, many are leaving and have already left for further studies as i type. oh how wonderful are Your plans for us Lord. there is purpose and hope for us all. i'm even gaining abit of insight in the things i did when i was over there in america. sometimes you just have to step out of the zone, take a step back and see what you've been doing. when i leave, then i'll be able to see what i've done here. kind of costly in my case isn't it?
why am i listen to mariah carey? no wonder so reflective. shit.
Written by cap at 09:48 PM.
Written by cap at 11:45 PM.
